father’s day | Ministry Blackboard

27Jun/120

GUEST POST: A Word to Dads about Words

This post is from regular guest poster Mark Seager, Associate Pastor at Cedar Run Community Church and a really good friend of mine. In light of Father's Day being this month, Mark shares a great word to Dads about words.

Sticks ‘n stones is a lie! Word-inflicted wounds can last a lifetime whereas the damage done by sticks and stones is unnoticeable a week later. The power of a father’s words is immense. They can be life giving or life draining. We need to think before we open our mouths near our children. Words uttered carelessly in a moment of frustration burrow deep into our children’s souls unleashing more destruction than a smart bomb in an underground bunker. Our silence doesn’t help matters either. If we don’t speak blessing into our children lives, our silence allows their doubts fears, and insecurities to run amok. Daughters will seek attention and affirmation from other men. Sons will try to impress their peers – usually with Darwin award-winning displays of stupidity. Men, we can’t hide behind “strong, silent” stereotype. We need to be strong AND verbal.

Must be a dad gene, but more often than not we tend to be hard on our kids. Maybe we’re trying to live our dreams through them. And maybe our intentions are good.

But constant correction and criticism…or even the perception of it, crushes our kids’ exuberance. Fathers, do not frustrate your children or they will become discouraged ~ Colossians 3:21 (NIV). This command is never given to mothers anywhere in the Bible…enough said. Men, we have to think before we speak.

So what should we say? Barnabas sets the gold standard in Acts 11:23-24…

²³When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.

²⁴ He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.

Think about how you speak to your children as we unpack Barnabas’ example:

“Saw the evidence of the grace of God” – NOTICE IT. Watch your children’s lives to see what they’re thriving in.

Glad to see the evidence of the grace of God – SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Now you need to step to the plate and open your mouth. Speaking is not just for pointing out where your child needs improvement or what they’re doing wrong.

“Encouraged them” – ENCOURAGE – The word used for “encouraged” in this passage is derived from the same Greek Word as a term for the Holy Spirit (paraclete) who is God coming alongside us. God involved in our lives. We must to do the same for our kids. We need to be students of our kids. Know their fears, their dreams, what makes them tick. We need to come alongside our kids in their life journey as encouraging guides just as the Holy Spirit does with every believer. One other thing…the verb tense used for “encouraged” implies an ongoing action. You can’t do it once and check the box! We need to be constantly encouraging our kids.

True to the Lord with all their hearts – WE ARE TO POINT OUR KIDS TOWARD CHRIST

You need to have your true north figured out – you have to be experiencing daily connection with God
You need to live with integrity – you can’t give what you don’t have
Your life – even the “un spiritual things – needs to revolve around God
There is no formula and it is is profound, but it doesn’t have to be that difficult. Your encourager, the Holy Spirit, will come along side you to encourage you with how to encourage your kids.

The end result of Barnabas’ encouragement is that “many were brought to the Lord” – may our children be in that “many”! If our kids are in that “many” category, that’s mission accomplished…and directed by well-chosen words.

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18Jun/120

the Monday Morning Debrief: Father’s Day

This was a post I did for "What's in the Bible" and their Father's Day series...

I love my job. I am the "Family Guy" at New Life Christian Church in Northern Virginia. I oversee the Children and Youth Ministries with direct involvement with the youth program. I am also a father of 4 beautiful young girls ranging from 11 - 4 years old. Growing up as a member of a 4 boy family, I never had the experience of growing up with girls. So all of this - the princesses, the nail polish and the EMOTIONS..oh yes the emotions is all new for me. But I love it. I absolutely love being their dad.

But, being the "Family Guy" at my job, I must admit, I feel an extra pressure on me. After all, holding this position implies that I might know something about raising a healthy family. It infers that in order for me to have this position, I must have created a very family oriented environment in my own household and spend as much time as possible with my girls.

But, despite my best efforts, sometimes coming home from a long day at work, being family first and focusing solely on my girls does not always happen. In fact, it is sometimes the last thing I want to do.

Paul says it right when he says, "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." Now, in that context, Paul is talking about struggling with sin in his life. But, I think this verse directly applies to fatherhood as well. So many times I want to come home, get out the toys and play outside with my girls until its dark outside. But that rarely happens. Too often I find myself sitting on the couch being annoyed that I'm attacked by my little ones...sorry, just trying to be honest.

So as I try to be the best dad that I can, I have jotted down a few practical ways that I have found to get re-energized before I get home:

Set your expectations right. Expect chaos because so many times when I get home, chaos is happening. Rare are those days where I walk into my house and my family just ministers to you with a soda, newspaper and the evening news (were those ever the days or just drawings from Norman Rockwell?). Usually I get girls telling me about their day and wanting me to do things with them...things that just make me tired thinking about it. So make sure your expectations are right before you walk through your door so that you don't get frustrated.
Be flexible. No matter how many books you read on parenting and children, the bottom line is no one can prepare you for what you are going to encounter. No one specific book can tell you exactly how to raise your children. The rules break all the time. That is why you need to be flexible and roll with the punches. The more we are flexible and have our expectations set right, the less frustrated we will be when things don't go quite as we had planned or as the book says. By being flexible we are able to really learn who our children are and how we can best meet their needs and help them grow to be healthy children and young adults.
Inject a little Christ in your life. On your way home, turn on the Christian music station or read some scripture before you walk into your house...scripture on patience Seriously, I have found the more I listen to Christian music before I go anywhere, the more my mindset changes and get focused on the right priorities.
"Be here now". That was a saying a high adventure camp I went to in high school always said. "Be here now" implied that it doesn't matter what you could be doing somewhere else or should be doing. What is most important is that you stay focused on where you are at. So that means, when you are at home with your kids, you focus on your kids. That mean, no cell phone, iPad or any other work distraction you may have. I know that is easier said than done, but the reality is we have at least 9-5 M-F to focus on our work and toys (yes, our iPhone is definitely a toy). We need those few hours each day when we get home to be focused on our children and loving our wife.

When you do these things, all things will turn out just right. Well, maybe not, but the reality is doing these 4 things in my life with my children makes me a better person which makes me a better dad.

I hope you and your family had a great Father's day.

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Tagged as: dad, father's day, what's in the bible No Comments

14Jun/120

Father’s Day Dodgeball

This Sunday, instead of doing normal Large Group for the middle and high school students, we are trying something different. Since it is Father's Day, we want a day to honor our fathers but also a way get dads and their children together. So we thought, what better way to do that than to have a Father's Day Dodgeball event!

That is why this Sunday, from 4-6 pm at the nZone we are scrapping plans for Group and playing various versions of Dodgeball in which students will compete with and against their fathers for an EPIC time together. This is for ALL fathers and their families...not just New Life Christian Church families.

So, if you are in the NOVA area and want to join us for some fun on Father's day, come on out. Then, after Dodgeball, head on out to your favorite restaurant and have a great Father's Day meal with your entire family.

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