relationships | Ministry Blackboard

16May/130

Real Dinner + Conversations = Win

Right before spring break, we had a bunch of college students from Johnson University come over to our church (New Life Christian Church) and do some work over their spring break. It was sort of like a mission trip for them. So, one of their projects was to "take over" our youth program on Sunday night in order to put into practice some of the things they are learning from school.

Normally, our "youth group" nights consist of fun, food, fellowship, teaching and small groups. Not a bad combination, but a lot to cram in. With that in mind, the Johnson students wanted to simplify and really engage the students. So, their plan was to have some fun (we played a variety of dodgeball games), share the gospel and then have discussions with the students. But here was the catch. In order to facilitate good conversation, the group's leader (Josh) and I decided that we should do a "real" dinner together.

See, we don't do "real" dinner at group. We do junk food and juice/soda with students. Talk about a well balanced meal, eh? Well this week we decided to enlist parents to make "real" food such as lasagna. And real food it was! These were NOT just some put the frozen lasagna in the oven for 1 hour type of meals. Every single one of these lasagnas were handmade and they were amazing!

But what made the night the most memorable was hearing the conversations going around the room during dinner time. See, not only did we give time for students to eat, but we strategically placed leaders around the room to engage in conversations with students at the dinner table. The students were clueless to this but it worked perfectly. We broke the students up according to age range and then when they all came back with their food, the leaders gradually directed the conversation to life and the message they just heard. It turned out great and I'm convinced that if we didn't have to end the time because our time was over, we could have talked for 30-45 more minutes in that setting.

This change where we included real dinner, coupled it with intentional conversation led to a great win for our students, leaders and program. That has led us to make some exciting changes in the fall where we include this time together more often. I am really excited to see what God does with our students this coming year because of our intentionality of having purposeful conversations around the dinner table.

Have you had experiences like this before where dinner and conversations have helped your ministry? Share your thoughts and experiences below so that we can all benefit.

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Tagged as: conversations, dinner, purpose, relationships, youth group No Comments

12Apr/130

Run Focused: Relationships that help

In the past, I have posted that in order to be truly effective in ministry, you have to be running focused in your life. In continuing that theme, I firmly believe that not only will running and exercise help you as you run a focused life and ministry, but having some core relationships around you as well will help you run a more focused life.

Who are they and what do those relationships look like?

Friends who you can be real with. I have a lot of friends. In fact, if you will look at my Facebook page, you will see that I have over 1,100 of them. But a lot of those friends are acquaintances and even people I don't talk to anymore. In order to be really running a focused life, you need a core group of friends in your life that you can be "real" with; people who really know you...ESPECIALLY your baggage. That way there is no hiding or pretending. They know who you really are and don't all of us just really want to be around people who we can be real and ourselves around?
Friends who aren't in ministry. Like any little bubble you get into, people in ministry need to run with people in other circles of life, if for nothing else, it keeps expanding your horizons and you learn more about others and what they do. When you trap yourself in your "ministry bubble", I feel that we lack for depth of relationships and lack of perspective in life and what others go through. Some of my best friendships are people not in ministry and I have learned so much from them (as I hope they have learned just as much from me).
Friends who aren't people you minister to. I have found in ministry that those I am ministering to can sometimes become my friends. That's not a bad thing, but if all the friendships you have are people you are ministering to, then there is a lack of real relationships. You need people in your life that you can "be yourself" with and let your hair down. When we are always around people we are ministering to, we really can't be our whole self.
Friends who aren't afraid to call you out and challenge your thinking. I don't need another "yes" man. I need someone to tell me how it is and isn't afraid to call me out. I need people who are ultimately concerned about my well-being and health, not helping me fulfill my every "wants" even when it can get me in trouble.
Friends who will listen to you. I have 2 friends in particular that are some of the best listeners. If I didn't have those 2 guys in my life, I would have said or done some pretty stupid things in my life. But, because they gave me the freedom to call them and vent, they really helped me focus on what I needed to do, rather than just act out of me emotions.

So, 5 characteristics of friendships that we should be looking for if we want to run a focused life for the long term. Agree? Disagree? Post a comment sharing your thoughts or experiences so that we can all learn from each other and benefit.

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Tagged as: emotions, friendships, health, listening, ministry, relationships, run, venting, vulnerable No Comments

25Mar/130

the Monday Morning Debrief: NCAA Tourney = Great Relationship Builder

I've posted about why I think the NCAA Tourney is great for ministry before. But this year, it is even better. Why? Because of all the upsets. Seriously, whether you did a Bracket Challenge with your students or not, the simple fact is that this Tournament is grabbing headlines and people are talking about it...just check your Facebook newsfeed.

With all this chatter, this produces great opportunities for you to interact with students and start or develop more relationships.

"Did you see that Butler game? That ending was insane."

"How about Georgetown losing? Did you see all those crazy dunks?"

Whether you pay close attention to the games or not, it is something students are watching and paying close attention to, espeically the guys. So, when you are able to approach guys and talk to them about the tournament, you lower the defenses of students (especially students you don't know) and then you can transition from those easy to engage questions to more important ones. In Young Life, they talk about "winning the right to be heard". That happens over time, but in essence, you win the right with students here by knowing what they are interested in and engaging them in something they enjoy. Then, by having that initial conversation starter, you can hopefully get to the point where you can invite them to participate in something else such as a rec event, youth group gathering or even going to the movies and/or coffee.

Regardless of where the conversation leads, by knowing what is going on in the Tournament, you open yourself up to more relationships with students and hopefully more students coming to know Christ eventually.

Thoughts? Experiences? TAKE A MINUTE and post a comment so that we can all learn from each other and benefit.

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Tagged as: bracket, butler, conversations, georgetown, ncaa, relationships, slam dunk, tournament, young life No Comments

10Jan/130

Run Focused: Healthy releasing of the emotions

I have a love/hate relationship with running. I really don't like to run, but I love the benefit I get from running. So, when I start off each run, I'm pretty angry because it isn't what I want to be doing.

However, the reason why I primarily run angry because when I run, I process and when I process, it gets messy. Weird probably, but by messy I mean that I process my ministry, my friendships, my parenting, and all things in between. And, for me, all those things have never been as easy as sitting on my couch eating bon bons...it's a little messy. That is why when I run, it often turns angry real quick.

But here is the deal with running angry. Running angry causes me to Run Focused. It focuses me on the Lord. I know, sounds kind of weird, but when I run it is a chance for me to put on some music, scream out (in my mind) and talk to God about all that is going on. Again, my life is messy but running...

lets me vent, get the emotions out (so I don't go out and blast them onto someone else). So, to start the run out, I have some secular, angry music (not Megadeath angry) but angry music. It allows me scream it out and get my frustrations out. But as I get mad, it settles me a little. For me it's a healthy processing that I do and it all starts with the music selection.
causes me to seek God for answers (Why is this happening? What is He trying to show me?). Psalm 55:16 says, "But I call to God, and the Lord will save me." When I'm running, I call to God and seek His answers...not always immediately but the more I call to him and listen, the more I hear his answers.
allows God to minister to me. Even though I start the run with harder, angry music, I always end my runs with Christian music that focuses me on the Lord and his calling on my life. That is where I can end the run with a healthy, more positive attitude rather than the angry start I usually have.

So, when I run, I run angry, I run sad, I run crying, I run motivated. But most of all, I Run Focused. Running focuses me on the Lord and focuses me how HE, not me or anything/anyone else will get me through it.

So whether you need to Run Focused or Lift Focused or even Drive Focused, I want to encourage you all to TAKE A MINUTE and figure out how you are going to get out and in very healthy ways, vent to the Lord. Put your life, your ministry, your relationships, your crap before the Lord and lay it out...process it out with him so that you aren't taking it out on someone or something else that could have some pretty damaging consequences.

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Tagged as: focus, God, healthy, ministry, processing, psalms, relationships, running No Comments

17Nov/120

Chowtime – 11/17

Just in case you were too busy the past 2 weeks to catch up on what others are doing in Student Ministry, here are some interesting posts I found in the blogosphere recently. So grab some chow, sit down and enjoy...

Youth Leaders Academy talks about making your youth ministry more relational. There are some great suggestions here!
Kara Powell shares some talk tips she was reminded of from her 1st grader
Brad Griffin talks about social media and ministry. I also posted about Instagram and ministry earlier this week as well.
Benjamin Kerns explores the balancing act of working in your office and getting out
Chris encourages Youth Ministers to be investing in children and the Children Ministry
Michael Bayne posts about working with families

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Tagged as: children, facebook, family, fuller youth institute, Instagram, kara powell, relationships, social media, twitter No Comments

12Nov/120

the Monday Morning Debrief: Instagram

Ok so I'm late to the Instagram party. That sounds a little odd considering that I'm big into the social media stuff. I'm always promoting the youth group stuff and my blog on twitter and Facebook. But Instagram, that wasn't for me. Why would I need to post pictures of me or the youth on Instagram? That is what I thought until the past month.

See, I have a middle school daughter now and she has an iPhone . I know, I know, I'm one of those dads who got their daughter an iPhone when a simple phone would do fine. But honestly, I have good reasons and if you really want to know why she has an iPhone, email me and I'd be happy to share. So my daughter has an iPhone and I won't let her have Facebook or Twitter yet. But I did let her have Instagram as long as it was private.

What I began to notice about her was that she was on it all the time! Literally, she's always on it ALL THE TIME! That's when I discovered that not only her, but a ton of middle schoolers are on it as well. They are on it for many of the same reasons my daughter is...because their parents won't let them on Facebook and because they like to share pictures about their lives to others.

So, I joined the Instagram craze...but not me personally, my "ministry" did...nlstudents. I am now using Instagram to promote my ministry. I don't use it for me personally...I don't need to as I have other social media outlets I can do that on. But I realized that if I wanted another way to reach out to my middle school students, I need to be on what they were doing. I needed to be on Instagram to see what they were into, what they were doing and who they were. Pictures tell us a thousand words about each other and just seeing some of the pictures on my students Instagram profiles have enlightened me greatly...they have even enlighten me about my daughter.

So the question is, what social media platforms are you on...not you personally, but your ministry. Are you taking pictures to promote what you are doing and drawing people in? Or is that too "tech" and "new school" for you? Are you on these platforms to get to know your students better?

Whether these platforms like Instagram is for you or not, I want you to TAKE A MINUTE and give them an honest look. What could you use it for and how could your ministry benefit from it? Then, I want to encourage you to try them out. What platforms work best for your group? Then go with it. If we are really serious about reaching this generation of students, we have to be where they are. Which means whether it may seem too "tech" for us, we have to engage in it. Because again, that is where our students are.

Thoughts? Comments? Experiences? Post a comment so that we can all learn and benefit from it.

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Tagged as: facebook, Instagram, pictures, relationships, social media, twitter No Comments

26Oct/120

DC Orange Tour Stop Highlights: Small Groups

God created us for community..Jesus illustrated community...the church practiced community

1. Be present - connect their faith to a community

Show up predictably, Show up Consistency, Show up Randomly

2. Create a safe place - clarify their faith as they grow

Lead the group, Respect the process (God is in charge! You may not see the fruit). Guard the heart

3. Partner with Parents - Nurture an everyday faith

Cue the parent, Honor the parent, Reinforce the family
How the parents perceive the church could be how they and their child perceive you

4. Make it personal - inspire their faith by your example

You live in community, You set priorities, You be real

5. Move them out- engage their faith In a bigger story

Goal is for them to own their own faith. You have to connect them to others beyond you.
Move them to someone else, Move them to be the church, move them to what's next
You should start packing a students bags the day he or she shows up

The goal isn't to keep them. The goal is to launch them

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Tagged as: Leadership, missions, outreach, Reggie Joyner, relationships, small groups, volunteers No Comments

27Sep/120

the BLACKBOARD: Some of the best contact work I’ve ever done

I know I've written about it before and I'm pretty adament about it, but last week I volunteered at my daughters school and literally, it was some of the best contact work I've ever done. Here's why...

I got to see my girls. Seeing your children in a different environment and setting is always enlightening because you get to see them interact with their friends and teachers in a way unlike any other time. School is THEIR territory, not mine so seeing them in their own environment was great.
I ran into several students from the neighborhood that I know and they got to see a father (not a mother - mothers are always in the school helping) as a positive contributor to the school. So many fathers are busy at work and don't have the flexibility in their schedules like ministers do. Mothers are in the schools regularly so having a father in their contributing and involved is always nice. And, just like seeing my own children, I get to see neighborhood kids in a different environment and see how they act at school.
I had good conversations with teachers and other administrators. This wasn't my 1st time volunteering and it certainly won't be my last so going to school I got to connect with other teachers (all who know what I do for a living) and administrators and catch up on them and their families. Developing those stronger bonds is always good in breaking down barriers between what they may think about ministers and churches. The more I interact and get to know them, the more likely they will think of me and my church if/when something hurtful or tragic happens at the school or in their lives.
I saw other parents from around the neighborhood and got to talk to them. As parents came in to volunteer and eat lunch with their own children, I got to say, "hi" and talk to them about life in general. Simple conversations over and over again go a long way.

My hope is that times like these are not "wasted" time as I have "real" work to do in my office or out with teens. Rather, it all fits into my plan to minister to families, especially families within my neighborhood which is about 5-7 minutes away from the Church. As I did contact work with multiple groups of people, the more interaction I get with them, the more I earn the right to be heard by them. And, the more I earn their trust and confidence as they begin to share and trust me with their lives.

Contact work is contact work as long as you continue to build new relationships, develop the relationships you currently have and continually earn the right to be heard with them all. I can't wait to see how all these relationships I am developing with elementary school aged children now help the growth of my "ministry" when they get into middle school and high school.

So what do you think? What has been some of your best contact work experience? TAKE A MINUTE right now and post your best contact work you have ever done and why so that we can all learn and benefit.

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Tagged as: community, contact work, elementary school, neighborhood, Parents, relationships, school, teachers No Comments

16Aug/120

Taylor Swift…Unofficial Spokesperson for this Generation’s Women

After listening to Taylor Swift's 1st single from her upcoming album with my daughters, I came to the conclusion that Taylor Swift, above any and all other women, speak to this generation of young women...and girls listen and love what she has to say.

So here is why I think Taylor Swift speaks for this generation's women (young women):

Girls Identify with her and her music. They love it for how it sounds, sure but it is the words and emotions that they identify with. Whether it is break up songs, heart break songs or fun songs, girls identify with her and her music. Her songs usually hit #1 on the iTunes chart the day they are released (as this latest one was).
She lets them into her life. She video blogs about what is happening in her life and shares what she is up to. Not much really but she is consistent at sharing her life and thanking her fans.
She "seems" real. Of course we never really know everything about everyone, but from what I can gather, she seems real and authentic. Everyone wants someone who is real. We have enough fake-ness going on in life, that when someone seems real, transparent and honest, people usually flock to her. So whether it is in her video blogs or in concert or even just out doing nice things for others, it seems like her personality is real and genuine.

I say all this because although I personally love Taylor Swift's music and it's a great way for me to connect with my girls, I wonder why there isn't some Christian Artist out there who can't do the same thing Taylor does, but put an emphasis more on Christ in her life. I'm not saying Taylor isn't a believer, but can you imagine what kind of impact Taylor would have on so many girls had she involved Christ more and encouraged them in their relationship with the Lord?

So is there a "christian" Taylor Swift out there? If so, who can we be pointing our young girls and women to as a great role model?

Thoughts? Comments? Experiences? Post them here so we can begin a good discussion on this.

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Tagged as: break ups, dating, generation, girls, music, relationships, songs, taylor swift, tweens No Comments

3May/122

Sports-Centered Sunday Morning Programming

This Sunday the KidZone at New Life Christian Church (my Church) is trying something new for our 3rd service. We are trying a sports and rec centered service (called OnTheMove) as a way to provide an alternative and potentially draw some new students to the later service.

Each week there will be a different sport that the kids will learn about, practice, and then play a game using the skills they learned. For instance the next for weeks for us looks like:

May 6: Kickball
May 13: Lacrosse
May 20: Flag Football
May 27: Soccer

During each week, the coach(es) leading the sport will provide the plan for the sport part of the service. The KidZone leaders will assist the coaches with the sports and will lead the Huddle Up portion if the coach wants this.

Below is a “sample” timeline of a typical session. These times are subject to change as needed by the coaches leading the sport:

11:50-12:00 - Welcome (coaches will introduce themselves). Warm Up and Stretch: Kids will be led in warm up and stretching exercises.
12:00–12:10 - Skill Session 1: Kids will be taught skills for the day’s sport
12:10–12:20 - Skill Session 2: Kids will be taught another skill for the day’s sport.
12:25–12:50 - Sport Time: Play a game or something using the skill learned earlier
12:50–1:05 - Huddle Up: Devotion and lesson time.

So this is what we are trying. Something new and different. What do you think? TAKE A MINUTE and...

post your thoughts. What do you think of this new style of programming for Sunday morning?
Also, if you are a Children's Minister or Volunteer, take some time to brainstorm new ideas for you and your children's ministry. What can you do and how can you try something that is fresh that could possibly draw more children and families to your ministry.

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